about
This song plays on a common understanding within sapphic circles that we are
1: Completely oblivious when someone is interested in this and
2: Absolutely and utterly incompetent at pursuing our own romantic interests
The intersection of these leads to some hilarious stories—there are well known instances of a lesbian asking someone out only to get the response, “I kinda thought we’ve been dating for like, three months.” However, for every instance with a hilarious story like this, there’s a dozen relationships, I would warrant, that never happen between two people that love each other. This is a song about reaching out and taking those opportunities.
More specifically, I was inspired by this well known tumblr thread in the community:
mylordshesacactus.tumblr.com/post/183116653923/can-all-the-lesbians-on-my-dash-just-hand-the
A final note worth using here is that the terms “useless sapphic” and “useless lesbian” are somewhat contentious in the community. Some consider them to be offensive, while others think that they’re a useful and lighthearted way of self identifying with a shared common experience. This is my own view, and “useless sapphic” is a term which I strongly associate with myself.
lyrics
Oh, I couldn’t do that!
You know that girl who you love?
The wondrous woman you adore?
The one who’s there when you close your eyes?
The one you would die for?
She sitting there telling you,
That you are so fucking cute;
More than that you’re beautiful,
And how she’d like to kiss you too!
She’s standing there telling you!
Her eyes are begging—that’s your cue—
Her anxious longing’s in plain view!
But you haven’t got a fucking clue!
No, you
Don’t even register her
Earnest attempts
To bed you, let you rest your head
Against her breast,
And yet
You, given half the chance,
If you could—
If you just mustered the courage to ask—
Would gladly bask in her warmth.
It’s sad how
You just can’t see
The opportunity to live simply, happily,
Forever and always—
All the ways your crazed heart
Begs for, aches for—
It’s right there at your door
I’m sure the thought has crossed your mind,
Though you’re sure it’s not crossed hers,
How it’d feel with your fingers entwined—
How her name would sound by yours
She’s thinking all the same things—
Thinking this girl make her heart sing—
And all the joy that you would bring,
And hoping that you’re noticing
Her endeavors, her efforts,
No guile, no wiles,
Just smiles to rile;
Meanwhile your trial’s
To read the signs,
To pay her mind,
And just see the fucking light!
But no, you
Believe in the doubt in your head
That says you’re just friends—
Best friends and nothing else.
The rest’s just
A dream, scenes
Best left to fantasy,
And you’re reeling from the pain of the real
You feel, and steel yourself against the
Pain. Fear fetters you more than a chain, so
Suspend the means to your end,
And rend your hopes
And play pretend,
That this will suffice. Isn’t it nice
Enough to have her in your life,
Even if never to be a wife?
I dreamed about you last night;
I’ve been thinkin’ about it ever since!
Do you mean it?
I mean it!
You sit there, and you fidget,
And you worry she might not be gay,
But you should be focused instead
On the things that she says:
The letters that she writes,
How she stays up at night,
How not a single fucking man has ever felt right,
Unlike you!
It’s so plain to see—open your eyes! What’s wrong?
Your hearts beat as one. Bar none, she’s the one;
She’s your sun.
She’s the one that gives you life!
Now, reach out you useless sapphic
And take what is yours by right!
Made up my mind it was time I found someone to do a little worrying about me!
Life’s like a ballgame; you gotta take a swing at whatever comes along, before you wake up and find it’s the ninth inning.
credits
from
SpinTunes 20 Round 1,
released March 21, 2023
Profestriga:
Nathan Meluvor—Lyrics, Vocals, Programming
Daniel Sitler—Upright Bass
Additional Vocals:
Avery Charles
Samples are from several public domain films:
The Dance of Life (1929)
The Lady Refuses (1931)
Detour (1945)
license
