I’m just doing my job and you’ve made this easy
You’ve ignored building guidelines and you built this crazy
Little straw-based house that fails fire regulation
A tiny spark and you’re toast, or in your case, bacon

It’s not even close to being an acceptable standard
The walls are moving and the roof’s been abandoned
There’s no running water, this must be a joke
No could live in this hovel, this pig in a poke

Don’t make this harder than it has to be
The Demolition Order’s council policy
I’d help if I could but my hands are tied
There really is no option, now you have to comply

A house made of sticks, yeah, it’s great in theory
It’s super-sustainable and eco-friendly
But there’s more to this than green accreditation
You need thermal mass and some basic sanitation

Look, sticks are for dogs and not for building houses
The doors are missing and the windows are lousy
It nearly fell to the ground when I leant on it
Hard to make a cuppa with no cooker and no working electric

Don’t make this harder than it has to be
The Demolition Order’s council policy
I’d help if I could but my hands are tied
There really is no option, now you have to comply

A planning inspector’s no job for a wolf
My mum said I was crazy and I’ve wasted my youth
Wearing sheep’s clothing was never enough for me
I prefer filling forms and bureaucratical stuff
I guess I’m too lazy to do the huff and puff
Blowing is hard work with lame respiratory

This brick-built house, it is quite spectacular
It matches its neighbours and the local vernacular
The right proportions and some solid foundations
Retrospective consent will be fine on this occasion

If you’re going to share your place with your two young siblings
Maybe build another garage to make space for cars and extra bins
More toilets and bathrooms must enter your equation
You need permission for a House of Multi-Occupation

Don’t make this harder than it has to be
The Demolition Order’s council policy
I’d help if I could but my hands are tied
There really is no option, now you have to comply